The History of Chemistry

This is how chemistry started.

Bunch of old fellows with big beards and matching robes went about mixing random liquids trying to get gold. For reasons unknown to us (me at least) it didn't work out. Then for a couple of centuries Chemistry took a backseat. 

It was all Newtwerp and Gullylio. Evidently Newtwerp did something to an apple and Gullylio was executed for it.We' ll come to that sad story later.

Then came this court justice style British teacher who said something about atoms. He was actually the patient of a peculiar disease. He went around digging the grave of an alchemist and caught it.

Basically what the disease did to you was make your brain think that your infinitesimally small ...

lets say "object" for now.

So he began to calling himself  "The saviour" .

He kept running around ,fighting-crime-trying-to-save-the-world style.People made fun of him and soon instigated him to the point of insanity.(Not that he was sane, but all the same).He vowed to take revenge on all the people who had mocked him and locked himself up in a room for 7 long days.

On the seventh day, sometime mid afternoon he got an idea.

THAT was the atomic theory.

Doltan's atomic theory.

He was actually not Doltan, Doltan was the name of his neighbours cat. 

He knew that the people would realise it was a prank if he used his name.

So, he used his neighbour's cat's name.

He commited suicide for reasons he was not able to comprehend.

So people started mutilating things and they were all in a hurry to discover new "elements"

when they could not mutilate things further they called them "elements". Soon there were so many elements that people began trying to classify them. Russian pop diva mendelievia was one such person.

What she did was write the name of these "elements" in as random a way as possible on a chessboard. 

All was well for some 40 years. Then a bunch of people who had a common liking for fireworks displays came around and started shooting things at these elements and derived inhuman joy out of watching them explode.

The rest is too boring and complicated for me to explain in detail here.

The people, and the events are completely fictitious and any resemblance to real people is strictly coincidental.